Couples and Bicycles: Couples that train together, remain together

Why is it rare to find a husband and wife who enjoy cycling together? I am not talking about the pro racer who rides a beach cruiser with his wife on the weekend. I am talking about husband and wife who are at similar fitness levels and go on training rides together and enjoy the occasional sparring over the next hill climb or town limit sign.

A recent question came up after an organized group ride with mostly men. My husband was asked several times, “Does your wife get mad at you after the ride for ditching her?”

Our answer is: “No.” We always communicate our goals before a ride and if sometimes Mike is in better shape on the bike than I am (as he usually is), I don’t want to hold him back to achieving a personal best or accomplishing a pace goal. If I can keep up I will, and he usually helps me keep up by, for example, allowing me to catch back on after a turn (he likes to take turns faster than I do). But if I am suffering from an injury and need to work on form, or for whatever reason I just don’t feel like I can keep up that day, I will encourage him to go on without me. Since we’re talking about group rides here, he knows I won’t be alone on the road and will probably find other people to ride with. We never compare ourselves to others, we just do what we can do in the day and, most importantly, we try to have fun.

Now if the ride was out in the middle of nowhere on a new and unknown route and especially if I did not have a GPS or cell phone, that would be different. We will usually do whatever it takes to stick together in this type of situation. On rare occasions, if we are on familiar roads, and the gap between our abilities just feels too large we will split up.

I am surprised by how many times this question has come up during rides we have done this year. On a 100 mile organized bike ride this past summer on one of hottest days of the year, after 55 miles of pace lining at 21 mph, I was getting tired and told Mike to go on without me and that I would just finish at my own pace. We had talked prior and I really wanted him to do his personal best that day. He stated how he looked forward to trying to finish with a 20 mph average speed. So I didn’t want him to worry about me because I would eventually finish and I was still rebuilding fitness after recovering from an injury. So I cut the ride short and at the finish line the guys that Mike had grouped up with later in the ride and who helped push him to the end were in shock that I was not chewing him out about ditching me on a 100 degree day during a century. Seriously?

Are wives really going off on their husbands? Are females really so scared that they can’t be left alone for a few hours on a bike with other fellow cyclists?

Finding a balance between work and life and finding time to ride together and trying to take each other’s cycling training to the next level is our ultimate goal. Supporting and encouraging each other along the way and pushing beyond our comfort zone and past the pain to climb that hill a little bit faster each time is what we define as fun.

I realize it is a rare sight to see a female like myself keep up with a husband and on some occasions take him down (which usually requires a bit of cunning and strategic timing on my part). To this day, I love the look of bewilderment I get from Mike when I sit in his draft for miles letting him suffer and then pass him at the base of a hill and beat him to the top. We enjoy a healthy banter of who is going to kick whose butt, even if it is mine that usually gets kicked. For us it is a game, and we actually consider it fun. Yes, I may be suffering towards the end of a hill climb but I am usually all smiles and laughter when it is finished and saying ‘heck yeah, I just conquered that hill.’ I feel sorry for the wife that does not get to share in the same passion or sport as a husband. It is truly a remarkable thing to share with others and be able to tell stories of all the crazy adventures we have had together by bicycle.

On one of our first dates, Mike taught me how to ride a road bike. With a swimmer lung capacity and mentality to take down my competitor and push through pain, cycling became second nature to me. I would look forward to racing against someone faster and stronger than me who would push me to the next level. It became a game of trying to take down Mike on a bike. My nickname for him is “TGV” – the high speed train in France. Within 2 weeks of riding Mike’s really expensive Klein road bike, I told him to find me a blue road bike. Sure enough within a couple of days, Mike found a blue Bianchi road bike and it fit like Cinderella’s glass slipper. I was hooked to the sport! I was glad to add another sport to the mix besides swimming and staring at the bottom of the pool for 2 hours. I now get to enjoy scenery and diverse terrain that can constantly change and force me to challenge myself.

I enjoy finding opportunities to level the playing field. For instance, I would sabotage Mike in a triathlons when he starts a wave ahead of me, pushing him under the water and swimming over him. On one of our first ski trips together at Whistler (and note that Mike had only skied once on a hill in Pennsylvania years prior to this), I took Mike down a black diamond run (one of the hardest levels). He rolled down the hill like an abominable snowman, and did a few “yard sales” (where hats, gloves and skis go flying every direction), but his attitude was to never give up until he got it. Finally after a few years, he was kicking my butt down the black diamonds in France. On a bicycle, it was his chance to get a fair game on. I would tell him, ”hold no mercy for a girl; I have to learn to hold my own.” Sure enough, he would let down the pain train and I would learn the importance of a draft and holding tight to conserve energy. The satisfaction of training hard and pushing past my limits is something I wake up craving, and it is even better to share it with someone.

We see this as a great way to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and a fun competitive game to keep in shape. I love the feeling of knowing that if I timed the strategy just right I could out maneuver someone stronger. Using my strength of endurance, I would do a false lead out on a sprint then hang back and just when Mike thought he had the finish in the bag and started to let up I would come sweeping past. When I did have the ability to force Mike into a position of defeat, we would always have the attitude of saying ”great job” but also ”watch out next time.” This would transfer over into triathlon where I did many draft legal races and would learn to keep pushing past my comfort zone to stay in a pack and sprint in a break away, to keep a fast cadence up a hill and break away any moment an opportunity struck.

I find that we are one of the rare couples who do a sport together and do it roughly at the same level. Or who enjoy repeated butt kicking competitions between each other. When I ask the men on cycling teams where their wife is, or are they coming out next time to ride, I get mixed answers – from cycling is not her thing, to she doesn’t like sports, to she doesn’t like riding on the road. It is clear that it is a sensitive subject or maybe something that has not been explored in their relationship for whatever reason. I get that it is okay to have differences and I respect that, but it has always perplexed me. Why don’t more females take the opportunity to come out on a bike ride and try it out when they have a training partner?

I realize I may come from a new age generation of females – with Title 9 and having the opportunity to excel like guys in a sport. Still, it is rare when I come across a gal that wants to ride hard and fast and enjoy the occasional sprint and drafting. When I find them I feel an instant common bond. We understanding that we are outnumbered by the guy cyclists in the world, but yet we see it as a challenge to hang with a group of guys on bicycles. I enjoy finding other couples that ride and share the same butt kicking values, because it means more people to ride with and to do the same types of vacations with, and we can have an instant group ride.

I am not the Dr. Phil of cycling or relationships (nor do I want to be in any way, shape, or form), but I am interested in leadership and fitness and I think they play hand-in-hand in how we engage and interact with others. So I like to take the Socratic approach and dig deeper into my tiny obsession of cycling and spouses.

Here are seven questions to ask if you want to get your spouse into fitness:

Do you support and encourage your spouse or partner at whatever level to ride a bike and enjoy the same passion as you? I would not be where I am today without a cheerleader. I felt frustrated in the beginning, but with a personal coach and mentor telling me I can do it, I have come a long way.
Can you accept a critique or constructive criticism from your spouse or partner? In cycling, when climbing a hill I am always asking for feedback because I want to improve and avoid injury. I try to always say ‘thank you’ and ask other faster riders for tips.
Do you communicate your during the ride? This means effort level, or signaling. If it is a group ride, I always try to communicate my effort level to Mike and let him know I am dropping or hey back off a bit, so we can stay together. It is not always easy when I am breathing hard and the wind is blowing, but communication is key in any group ride from yelling ‘stopping’ to signaling a turn. It keeps the ride safe and fun.
Do you work towards a common goal? I am the event and vacation planner in the family and I am always researching new bike rides or races to attend and planning out the year. I find this helps align our training and goals and motivate our daily attitudes toward training by making us into accountability partners.
Are you continuing to learn from each ride? In life, it should be a learning process. I am still learning new techniques to better adapt to different situations. For example, during a 100-mile bike ride, what is the best way to get carbs so you don’t bonk or hit the wall?
Do you mix up your training or workouts? Doing the same routine is boring and doesn’t take you to the next level of fitness because your body becomes adapted to the routine. Do you call out sprint points? Do you have Queen or King of the Mountain points? What are you doing to make your ride fun? Do you have a JFT (Just F%^& ing Train) day? My favorite days are when you just have to get out and do a hard JFT workout. Anyone who knows me, knows Wednesday is my typical JFT day in the swimming pool. On a bike, JFT days are brutal and I love it and getting dropped on the bike is okay. It just makes me into a stronger person!
Are you having fun? If you are not having fun or are not able to let go … then what would make you happy? Only you can define this. Everyone’s definition of happiness is different. For me, it is enjoying a hard bike ride with good friends. But maybe you have a different riding style? Perhaps a ride along a closed path? Or a canal trail or tow path? Or maybe mountain biking? Or motivational riding for ice cream or bakery stops? Or, a favorite after living in France,winery tasting stops by vélo! (Just please don’t drink and ride a bike). Also sometimes we would do a ”balade”’ by bike in France, where we would take the whole day and go on a bike ride all day and bring a picnic and go with friends and enjoy the day! I remember doing this with a group of runners and our running coach and we would stop and have a lavish picnic along the Seine river and talk about everything before riding to our next resting area. They were on their city bikes and we only had our road bikes, but we had fun just riding at whatever pace and talking (for me it was the best challenge to ride a bike and speak French at the same time).

In conclusion,we need to encourage our partners and soulmates to challenge our comfort zones but also we need them to teach us new skills and give critiques along the way. Even if you have kids, make time to enjoy a sport together. It is a great way to communicate and let out some healthy aggression in a fun way and keep the stress levels down.

Tell us what you think. Do you cycle with your partner or spouse?

‘Til next time – keep cycling!

Interesting Look Back in Time at Vintage Posters of Couples Cycling Together (Affiliate Links):

Couples and Bicycles: Couples that train together, remain together

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